Who Can I Run To...

Have you ever asked yourself, "when I need help, who can I run to"? It's a question that I have asked myself over and over again as a young woman in Baltimore City... my parents only daughter at that. Growing up, I was incredibly lonely. I didn't feel loved because I have known for a long time that my mother didn't like me. It caused me significant mental trauma because I always felt like she shouldn't have had me if she wasn't gonna like me... or that she should have given me away if she wasn't gonna like me. Why mistreat me? Why make me feel like no matter what I did or what I said I wasn't enough.

The lack of love I felt from my mother caused me to develop depression, low self-esteem and a loneliness so severe that I was unable to cope, almost to the brink of exhaustion. I had trouble sleeping, trouble making friends and even hygiene issues. My life... my childhood overall... was just plain bad.

As I got older I realized that my overactive imagination kicked in during the times when I felt my loneliest and helped keep me sane. It gave me friends and people who I could trust to tell all my secrets. My imagination allowed me to maintain my sanity and gave me the basis for what I can now assume will become my professional career. My imagination gave me writing.

I have been writing since I was 2 years old. It has been the only constant in my life. It, coupled with reading, has given me endless hours of happiness and joy, the likes of which are unparalleled to anything else in the world I have experienced. It makes me happier than I could ever imagine and sadder than I could imagine at the same time. I love writing. I can tell her all my secrets and she doesn't judge me for the things I have done wrong. She loves me and let's me tell her my story every time I need to. Even when I turn my back on her, she never lets me down. She never turns her back on me or makes me regret letting her into the canals of my mind. Because of that, I love her... she keeps me strong and helps me all day long.

There are times in my life when I still ask myself, "Who can I run to?" The answer is usually simple. I can run to the one who has never left me and never will, writing. She truly did save my life.

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© 2020 by Celeste Williams.