Why I smile so much....
You may not know this about me, but I haven't had a happy life. Don't get me wrong, I haven't been miserable forever, but I have scars that hide the pain caused by demons from my past. In spite of it all though, I try and see the good in everything and everyone. Why? Well, it's simple really and I will happily explain myself in what follows.
As sunny as I am, I have demons like everyone else. Bad ones... the kind of demons that nightmares are made of and my demons haunt my dreams every night. They talk to me in my dreams and tell me horrible truths about myself and the people with whom I surround myself. They remind me that this life I have lived is coming to a short end very soon and that everything I touch will turn into dust at the moment I want it to succeed the most. I don't think I have had a restful night of sleep in years. Every night for as many as 10 years or better, I have wanted to sleep in peace. But a peaceful nights sleep has eluded me due to haunting dreams of the childhood dreams and hurtful speech I have had to endure for the bulk of my life.
I told you that I would try and explain why I still try and maintain a great outlook on life. My life would be less than worth living if I saw at the world the way it really is while I was awake. If I looked at all the hate and murder and death and confusion that exists, if I focused on that, then I would never, ever be happy. I probably would have killed myself a long time ago if I didn't remember that demons only live in the shadows. Daylight is my reminder that a smEveryday that I open my eyes I have another chance to keep my promise to God because he has kept his promise to me.
You see, many years ago, God and I struck a deal. I promised him that I wouldn't waste this life he gave me as long as he gave it to me. So, I smile so much because everyday HE has kept his promise. He has given me his word that he will deliver me from the demons and everyday he does. So everyday, I am gonna try to grind it out and make sure that I use what he has given me.